I’m talking, of course, about the Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks.
People are buzzing about this limited-time beverage. And rightfully so, considering it has 59 GRAMS of sugar. Shoot, I’d be spazzing the heck out too if I consumed 4 1/4 Klondike bars in one sitting.
But, what’s the big deal? And, why is it called a unicorn?
As you know, a unicorn is a mythical creature famous for the horn that protrudes from its head and its overall sense of mystical, magical wonderment.
According to Urban Dictionary:
“Unicorns are said to be ‘uncatchable,’ but nothing is impossible. Impossible is nothing.”
Well, if unicorns are uncatchable, somebody’d better tell that to every single Snapchatter I know. It’s at the point where a girl can’t casually scroll through Instagram without seeing cup after cup after purple, whipped-cream-covered cup.
I’ve gotta be honest: I’m not interested in standing in line for hours—surrounded by iPhones and plaid—for a drink. No matter how sparkly.
No, there are far rarer, sparkly, glittery, colorful, mystical, magical unicorns I’d rather find. In fact, here are 10 of them:
If I’m up past 10:30 these days, it’s because my eyelids are glued to my forehead. I haven’t seen an all-nighter in years. Then again… I haven’t really been looking, either.
2. That one diaper
You know the one. Your kid just had a blowout, and you’re 20 minutes from home. Of course, you didn’t bring a diaper bag. Because this was supposed to be a quick trip, right? Wrong. You open the trunk of your car in hopes of discovering that rare, rare sight—one clean diaper, just waiting for its day. But you guessed it, that unicorn ain’t there.
3. An end to the laundry
Have you ever wondered what the opposite of a unicorn is? It’s laundry. Laundry is everywhere. It piles up in bedrooms, on couches, and in cars. If every piece of laundry in my house was an actual unicorn, Starbucks could open shop.
4. That other sock
Speaking of laundry, what kind of sorcery does it take to locate and catch that mythical creature known as “The Other Sock“? For real. I’d eat three Snickers bars and pay $5 for a GPS (Glue Paired Sock) any day.
5. A meal we can all agree on
(That doesn’t come in a Chik-fil-A bag.)
6. Good skin
There are several unicorns in this category: Stretch Mark Erasers, Acne Eradicators, Blotch Busters, Wrinkle Wranglers. If I could find one—just one—I’d consider myself successful.
7. Magic words
I’ve only heard about these in fairy tales. But, rumor has it there exists a child who possesses the rare ability to respond to his mother’s wishes without using the word, “No.” Trust me, I’m as shocked as you are. For a very long time, I have searched for this unicorn in hopes of learning his ways. No luck so far.
8. Hot coffee
Forget whipped cream and sprinkles. I just want to drink a cup of coffee without feeling like I unwillingly participated in a polar plunge.
Now we’re getting into the heavy stuff. I don’t even think there’s a picture of this creature in all of history, and they say finding one is like staring straight into a kaleidoscope of joy.
You probably already know there’s nothing more rare than this. For me, I lost it when I became a mother, and I haven’t found it yet. Though, trust me, I’ve looked.
In all seriousness, though. If you’re a “drinker of the unicorns”—power to you. You do you, sister friend. Whatever gets you through the tantrums, aforementioned laundry piles, and backtalk is totally worth it.
What are some motherhood unicorns you’d like to find?