When Friendships Fade

When I was a little girl I had tons of friends and the relationships were easy.  The little girl down the street was my friend because we both shared a love for ponies.  My desk mate at school was my friend because we had the same Barbie logo on our lunch boxes.

However somewhere down the road, friendships become trickier.  When kids, husbands, jobs, and responsibilities got thrown into the mix, friendships started to become down right complicated.

I recently learned a painful lesson in the friendship department.  I discovered the hard way that sometimes friendships fade.  Not long ago I  made the difficult decision to let a friendship fizzle out, and I’m here to tell you that it broke my heart.  I can almost guarantee that friend breakups are worse than boyfriend breakups.  My friend and I were close.  We met at our kid’s school and we were both active in the PTO, so needless to say many days and much time were spent in each other’s company.

Throughout the course of our friendship, situations kept arising where I was left feeling trampled over and worn down.  We talked it through many times, however nothing seemed to change.  I kept being bulldozed over. Constantly.  Eventually, I reevaluated the situation, and I made the uncomfortable decision to take a step back from that relationship.  It was painful and I felt guilty, however I also felt relief.  I felt as if I had finally breathed for the first time in months.

Now there was no overly dramatic nastiness involved.  If we see each other in line at the school drop off, we still say hello.  There was no immature siding among our mutual friends, and most people probably don’t even know the end of our friendship happened. But it did.  Of course I have thought back on the relationship a million times wondering if I handled the situation correctly.  Should I have kept extending grace?  How much is really enough? Am I setting a bad example for my kids? However, I am now confident in my decision.  I believe it’s important for my kids to know that friendships are beautiful but if people aren’t treating them kindly, it’s okay to walk away.

As hard as it was to let that friendship go, I haven’t given up on girlfriends.  I’ve kept finding my tribe.  Sure, my tribe looks differently than it did a year ago.  But you know what?  That’s okay.  Sometimes friendships fade and on the other side of the pain, life goes on.  Instead of focusing my time on a friendship that was sucking joy from my life, I’ve refocused my time on other friends who are positive people and who share similarities with me.  Most importantly, I walked away from the friendship learning how to set boundaries.  I will never again be pushed around by people who are oblivious to their inconsiderate and disrespectful ways.

Now that I am currently living in the aftermath of a best friend break up, I am trying to focus on the good times we had.  I am making an effort to remember the laughter, love, and the support.  I have tried to release the feelings of negativity, and I have moved on.  I am thankful for the prior years of friendship, no matter how bittersweet the ending might have been.

Have you ever been in a friend break up?  What helped you get through the tough time?