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Weird Things Parents Say

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Today has been one of those days.

Parents, you know what I’m talking about. My morning closely resembled a Benny Hill skit without the music. With Charlie being a little over one year old now, she is very active and curious, which can be a beautiful thing and it can be an exhausting thing. Once she is asleep though I reflect back on the day and I realize it can be a hilarious thing too. Mainly, due to the things I find myself saying. Just a few from recent events being:

  • “No, we don’t bite the dog’s tail.”
  • “Where did your diaper go?”
  • “No, we don’t take our dress off at the grocery store.”
  • “Please don’t put your finger in my nose.”
  • “No! Don’t play with your poop!”
  • “We don’t eat rocks.” (I feel like I say this one a lot…)
  • “Stop eating sand!”
  • “Stop chasing the dog, she doesn’t want a drink from your cup.”
  • “No! We don’t eat dog food.”
  • “Get my bra off your head. It is not a hat.”
  • “Don’t bite my toe!”
  • “We don’t eat the bunny’s face.” (It was a stuffed bunny, I promise.)

Really, most things are so strange because as adults we think, “this is common sense! Why would you do that?” No matter how much we know they don’t understand common sense, we still find ourselves a little incredulous (and exhausted) at the need to not only say these things, but repeat them. At least it’s funny at the end of the day.

I asked my mother and some of my friends what the weirdest and funniest things they have found themselves saying to their kids were and here were their answers:

  • “We don’t put flower parts in our ears.”
  • “We don’t stick things in the dog’s butt!”
  • “Please stop putting my nipple in your eyeball.”
  • “Don’t lick me.”
  • “Stop licking the dog!”
  • “Please don’t poke the baby in the eye.”
  • “No, I will not change your name to Kimberly.”
  • “Why would you put silly putty on your head?”
  • “What do you mean you’re afraid of ketchup and mustard?”
  • “What do you mean your socks are on wrong?”
  • “Why would you kiss your hermit crab?”
  • “You were dressed… Where are your clothes?!”

Parents everywhere seem to understand the struggle- mainly the one to not laugh or roll your eyes after you say these things. One parent, Nathan Ripperger, actually started making posters out of the weird things he has said to his kids and selling them on Etsy. I might need to get the ones that say, “I’m not talking to you until you are wearing underwear,” and, “He’s your brother, not a pull toy.”

What weird things have you found yourself saying to your child?

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One Response to Weird Things Parents Say

  1. Avatar
    DKH September 29, 2014 at 5:21 am #

    Lately I’ve been saying “put your penis back in your diaper”. He’s almost 2 and fascinated with his body.

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