To The Mama Of A Strong-Willed Child,
I see you at the park with a look of defeat in your eyes as your little one stubbornly refuses to leave when you say it’s time. I see the overwhelming feeling of failure you feel when your child will not use the potty at 3-years-old.
I know the tears that you have cried over things like uneaten carrots and tantrums at the grocery store. The condescending looks from strangers are an irritating blow to your mom-esteem. The strangers see and judge the fit your child threw, but what they fail to see was that you stood your ground and did not give in to your child’s persistent (and loud) demands.
I understand that you have read all of the blogs, skimmed the parenting books, and have asked all the questions about parenting a strong-willed child. Yet, the arguments with your persistent child have not stopped.
I feel your frustration as you watch the other children, so quick to follow the rules, as your own child will not adhere to the “social norms”. I know you are doing your best, and I also know how exhausting it is.
I understand your struggle because I am right there with you. I also am “mama” to a very strong-willed child.
I have dealt with tantrums over mundane daily activities because my little one stubbornly asserts his independence and must do it himself, no matter how painstakingly slow or long the task takes. From putting on shoes to what’s for dinner, everything can be a battle of the wills.
I have questioned myself, wondering if I am doing it right. I have tried new parenting methods, enforced routines, and rewarded positive behavior, only to continue to be met with resistance and dug in heels. Being strong-willed is deeply ingrained in my precious child’s nature, and it is only a matter of time before another battle arises.
I, too, have watched the clock, eagerly anticipating bedtime wanting to wake up with a fresh start the next day. I know weeks go by where the bad days out number the good days, but the good days are oh so good. Aren’t they?
Being strong-willed is often thought of as a negative attribute, but there are times when I am grateful and honored to be raising such a determined little kid. Strong-willed children are amazing and powerful little people. What other people sometimes fail to see is that they are independent thinkers. Our headstrong children have focus and passion for what they see as the “right way”. There are times when my little one, filled with compassion, will take the initiative to help a friend who is hurting because he does not shy away from doing what is right.
Strong-willed children are fierce and powerful little souls. They are people with a purpose on a mission. Our strong-willed babies will grow into unbending men and women who are not easily swayed by their peers. Our children will grow up determined. They will be leaders, and they will have amazing accomplishments.
So for now, while we are here smack dab in the middle of motherhood raising our strong-willed children, lets not become discouraged. Just know that we’re doing it right.
Most importantly let’s not forgot that, although our strong-willed children can be trying at times, they are nothing short of FIERCE.
Love this! I couldn’t agree more! “Sissy” is stubborn as all get out and can come off as down- right bossy at times. I catch myself getting on to her on a constant basis for this attribute, but I’m hoping to help her mold it into a leadership skill while still treating others with kindness.
Thanks, Crystal!! I have a hard time finding the balance between encouraging the independence and reigning in the other not so positive things too. But I know for a fact that you’re doing an AMAZING job with your little girl, she is the sweetest spunkiest little girl ever!
My strong willed child will be a senior in college in the fall. For all you moms still in the middle of your battles, hang in there. You are doing a great job. It will be worth it in the end. One thing that I discovered that helped lessen a few of the battles is preparing your strong willed child for what is planned. For instance, I would tell her we were going to the store to buy shoes or whatever. List two or three items that you are going to do. Even if you are staying home. We are going to have lunch and then play and then nap. I found that my strong willed child loved structure. By knowing what was coming she had some sense of order and she felt she had some control. It really helped lessen the battles and melt downs. Remember, no one knows your chlid as well as you do. you know what is best for them. God picked you specifically to be the parent of your child. You are good enough!
That is great advice!! I’m going to try that for sure!
I needed this today! Couldn’t have said it better!