I am officially, OFFICIALLY a divorced woman. It took me 18 months to get to this point in my life. I have learned so much through each passing month, made mistakes, and felt like I was doing the cha-cha with all the steps forward/back I was doing. If there’s anything I’ve learned out of all of this – it’s to share. Share my story, share to let other women know that they aren’t alone. If you’re about to head into the uncharted territory of divorce – take this list to heart.
1. Grieve.
Allow yourself to feel all those yucky feelings. Don’t pretend you’re not hurting. I allowed myself 15 minutes a day to cry and when the time was up – that’s it. I’ve got stuff to do! If you don’t allow yourself time to grieve, it will manifest into something else. During this time I also decided to get sober and it was the best decision I made. Healthy coping/grieving helps you heal faster.
2. Get a counselor.
You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. You will need a counselor. Once you sign the papers, emotions will all come at once. Your life is about to get wild and you will need a professional to help you deal with everything.
3. Create a community with healthy mom friends.
Single AND married! Find women you can lean on when things get tough…because they will. Find women that know this process inside and out and can cheer you on throughout. Reach out, find your people. You’ll need a community to keep going.
4. Make time for yourself.
Run to Sonic, get coffee, walk all the aisles at Target. Find time to relax and reflect. Find who you are again; don’t lose who you are just because you’re losing a spouse. Get that massage, get your nails done, go see a movie. But make sure the bills are paid first.
5. Budget, budget, budget.
Money will be tight, especially with attorney fees. Start cracking down on your budget and begin the penny-pinching process. It’s difficult to begin if you haven’t been doing it, but you’ll be thankful later.
6. Keep moving forward.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, it hurts. But life doesn’t stop even when yours feels like it did. Love yourself, take time to yourself, and rise above. You can do this mama.
7. When it’s over – celebrate.
Have a party with those that are closest to you and celebrate that it’s over. You deserve it.
8. Last but not least…
Dance like no one is watching but text, post on Facebook, and email like it will be read in court one day. Screenshots last forever.
Here are some resources to check out if you’re needing more help:
Divorce/Relationship support groups:
https://www.divorcecare.org
http://www.fightclubokc.com
Single moms conference:
https://ariseministries.net
