I like to think that I’m a pretty easy-going person, or at least I was pre-motherhood. Very few things seemed to get under my skin and make me fly off the handle. But along with all the beautiful and wonderful gifts that came with children, I also received an unthinkable amount of pet peeves that I never ever could have dreamt up on my own. And since I’m feeling quite ranty today, you get to hear TONS of them (try to contain your excitement!)–
- People that follow me around while I’m vacuuming yelling “OFF! OFF! MY EARSSSS!!”
- People who eat rice with their hands and then shake the excess pieces off slinging them all onto the wall, rug, and curtains.
- Being asked for a piece of gum at least once an hour for 10 hours (starting at 7 am sharp).
- Having to repeat the phrase “sit down on your bottom, please” every day for a year.
- The question: “What are we doing today?”
- Loud throat-clearing for an hour to avoid falling asleep.
- Cooking for an hour so I can force-feed for the next 30 minutes.
- The time it takes for my toddler to climb into her carseat “by ma-SELF” and buckle the chest clip “by ma-SELF”. Every. Time.
- People who remember they have something VERY IMPORTANT to say while you are peeing or trying to make an appointment on the phone.
- Being used as a human obstacle course.
- “Mom. Mom. Mommy. Momma. Momma. Mommy!”
- People who argue with you over facts of life that you know to be true but they won’t accept (i.e. “tomorrow is Wednesday” “no, it’s not it’s Saturday”… and back and forth, forever and ever.)
- “Full” tummies at mealtime that miraculously become starving for a snack 5 minutes later.
- The use of weird awkward voices especially in public places when someone is trying to make simple conversation.
- Having a bodygard who actually can’t defend you and only wants to take the very best bites of whatever you have waited all day to eat.
- Those who are very skilled at video games but are unable to flush a toilet.
- Chronic personal-space violators.
- Phone memory full, 649 pictures of my left ankle.
Man, it felt good to get all that out. I love my munchkins but some days I reach my limit and blow a mental gasket. Why are they so messy? Why are they so touchy? Why are they so emotional? Why are they so needy? Because they are children and that’s their full time job. They do it well, we gotta give them credit for that! Bravo small people- you know how to send us over the edge, but you also know how to bring us right back. A smile. A hug. A loud toot.
You win. You always do.