O Tantrum Bomb!
O Tantrum Bomb!
How crazy are your fits.
Your pouty lips.
Your crying eyes.
Your fits of rage
And yells & cries.
O Tantrum Bomb!
O Tantrum Bomb!
I really hate your fits.
Fits of rage spewing from a toddler are one of the ugliest things ever. I once heard someone say that God made babies cute so that when they grew up, you wouldn’t want to kill them. Well, I’m not that type of person but I am the type to fight fire with water, unless it’s a kitchen fire then I use baking soda – but you get my point.
From my personal experience as a former fit thrower and having two out of four children who use fits to try and get their way, I have learned how to combat them in my own household. I hope that some of my treasure finds help you with any fits that your children may throw.
First and foremost, realize that your children know EXACTLY what they are doing. They are fully aware of how and when to use a fit. They know when you are the most stressed or when you have stood your ground to the point that they feel a tantrum is their only hope. So at this point, I just become my best stubborn self and restate my tantrum throwing rules:
1 – With a hug (if I”m able to wrap my arms around their convulsing bodies), I say, “You never get what you want when you act this way. If you would like something, please calm down and use your words.”
2 – “Oh, sorry. I don’t understand the crying language. If you want something, speak up like a big kid with words I can understand.”
3 – For my personal enjoyment and because I do believe a happy heart makes good medicine, I become their mirror image. I mimic their cries. If their cries crescendo, so do mine. If they fall to the ground, I do the same. Or, I start a pouting lip contest to see who can stick their lip out the farthest. Usually, this makes them laugh to the point that they can no longer throw the fit. Then, we end up laughing on the floor together.
4 – Hit the restart button. In the middle of the forehead just above where no two eyebrows should ever meet there is what I call a “restart button.” When a grouchy or fit throwing kid comes my way, I shout, “Reset!” and poke the button. With my girls this automatically makes them smile or at least try to fight one. With my boy, it’s a 50/50 crap shoot, but it’s always worth a try.
5 – Sometimes, they just need some one-on-one snuggle time and then their world is all better.
6 – When all the above fail, it’s time for fit throwers to go sit on their beds until they are ready to come out and be nice. Most of the time, I have to carry them to their beds. Before I shut their bedroom door, I remind them to only come out when they are ready to talk nicely. It may take a few minutes or half an hour or even a nap, but whatever space they need to cool off is well worth it.
I do find that my kids tend to throw fits when they are tired. If we have had a rough week or missed a nap, I need to be on alert that they could be triggered at any moment. As a parent, I should do a better job making sure they get the rest they need, but these can still be teachable moments. They need to learn that when they are not feeling their best, they need to not spew their worst.
What ways have you found to subdue a tantrum or keep them from starting in the first place?
#2 & #3 Are some mains my wife & I use, and they usually work pretty well. When neither of those help, we can usually guarantee that if we set them down in bed (or on a pallet), they’ll fall asleep within about 5 minutes!
Another observation of ours is when they spend any amount of time at their grandparent’s house (which is only a few miles from our house, so that’s pretty often), they “push” their boundaries with my wife & me. The reason is, lack of consistency. Grandparents usually (not always) don’t enforce the same rules we do at home, and that causes some meltdowns. Our solution to that, is to have a face to face discussion with the grandparents and make sure we are all enforcing the same rules, diets, schedules, etc…
Just a humble observation from our experiences…
You are so right, Matt! I have noticed the same thing with our children. The transition from one environment to another where the rules are different definitely causes them to retest their boundaries as soon as they come home. We just remind them of how they are supposed to act in every circumstance. It’s difficult to enforce our rules when we are not there and rules maybe more lax than they are used to at our house. There are definitely some rules that are nonnegotiable for us and fortunately, their grandparents are very willing to help with those, but I don’t mind them getting to let their hair down a bit at Papa & Mima’s house. I remember having a little extra freedom at my grandparents house and have wonderful memories because of it.
Oh… and Kristi… great blog!!!
Thanks!
Love those tips! We implement some of those, but I LOVE the reset button…. totally using that one next time! One thing that I tell my girls (that goes along with your #6) is for them to stay in their rooms until “Happy Mattie” or “Happy Ella” decide they are ready to come join us. After a bit of pouting on their own, they usually come find me with BIG smiles plastered across their face.
Oh, I like that idea, Maria! I am going to have to use that for my kids. It goes along very well with their memory verse for the week: Proverbs 16:13 – A happy heart makes a happy face!
I loved this post. I love the idea of the “re-start button.” Totally going to implement that! My son is the KING of tantrums (so much so that I honestly refuse to take him in public unless my husband is with me) and my daughter throws some whoppers randomly. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!
You are definitely not alone! I am thankful for the patience & grace God gives me to deal with it when it happens in public. I try to just concentrate on my child and not all the eyes I assume are watching the situation.
The “reset” button has definitely lightened up the situation more than once. Last week, my oldest pushed my second oldest reset button. It was hysterical!
Love this! I was reading it this morning as my daughter was in her room throwing a fit! Great ideas! I will have to try some of them!
Today must have been the morning for fits because I encountered quit a few myself. By this afternoon, my son began to throw one, stopped himself, chuckled and said, “oops! I was about to throw another fit!” Learning self-control is difficult at any age.
Hope you have fun trying some of these out! I would love to hear how it worked out for you.
Kristi,
I love #3. I have been blessed with a strong willed red headed boy and he does at times use fits to try to make his point and get his way. With him, changing the name of the game into a “who can make a better pouty lip” contest often works the best. He then either laughs or at least stops for a minute. If he does continue we do use the sitting on his bed until he can make a better choice. Using the calm voice through out of “What do we get when we throw a fit?” the reply is usually “Nothing.” or if he is really tired, throwing himself on the floor. Then it is a trip to sitting on the bed. I will say as he is now 5 the fits have gotten a LOT less often. I think 3 and 4 are challenging with testing limits.
Love the blog!