Murphy’s Law: I Hate That Guy

I have very distinct memories of being an angst-ridden adolescent and asking my mother why some real or perceived injustice had occurred. She would smile – maybe smirk – and quip, “Murphy’s Law.”

Man, I hated Murphy.

It’s so easy to believe that if we do all the right things and plan ahead, then everything will be fine. Cognitively, we might know that belief to be false. Actually accepting and internalizing my lack of control over life is apparently beyond my capability.

Murphy’s law, in essence, says this: “Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” Now, if I hated Murphy as an angst-ridden teenager, Murphy’s law has taken on an entirely new meaning in parenthood. Because in my current life stage, when something goes wrong, it’s not just me! There are 3 little people who are actually WATCHING (and mimicking) how I handle unexpected situations! Spoiler alert: I don’t always handle these things well.

In the spirit of bringing mamas together, I have compiled a list of my worst “Murphy’s Law” parenting moments over the past few years. Whatever is going on in YOUR day today, mama, remember-you are NOT alone! 

1. You and your children will only develop norovirus at the same time when your spouse is out of town.

This really has no need of further explanation. There is nothing quite like vomiting while carrying enough bowls to catch as much of your children’s vomit as you can. Sure, I can handle these situations on my own, but it would be great to have some help. Single mamas-you have my undying love and admiration.

2. You will only discover lice on your child after the hour of 10 p.m.

…in a hotel…halfway through a road trip. Word to the wise: if you have a cuddly or affectionate kiddo, you should check your own head as well.

3. Your dog will only develop diarrhea if you have recently replaced your carpet/bought a brand new rug.

You might have the healthiest dog in the world, but when you replace your carpets, he will suddenly develop a terrible case of diarrhea. Extra Murphy points for you if it’s dark in your bedroom and you step in a pile or two, as I did. 

4. Diaper blowouts only occur when you are far away from home and have forgotten, misplaced, or already used your spare change of clothes.

At least you can put a new diaper on the baby, and wrap him in a blanket. Unfortunately for you, though, you’re going to have poop all over your clothes until you can make it back to your house. Hope you didn’t have any more errands to run, because those aren’t happening today.

5. If you are, by some stroke of magic, able to transfer your sleeping baby from the car seat to the crib without waking him, you will trip over a musical toy on your way out of the nursery.

No more sleeping baby. Because it is so rare that I can effectively transfer one of my sleeping children from the car seat to the crib, I am always giving myself an enormous pat on the back when it’s done. Enter Laugh and Learn puppy. I don’t even know why we still have that thing.

6. When you FINALLY decide it is safe to “clean out” (read: throw away the contents of) the craft cupboard, your child will be desperately seeking his preschool fire truck craft later that same day.

I love crafts as much as the next guy. And yes, I do cherish my children’s artwork and I understand that they will not always have the desire to make me things. But I am fresh out of craft storage space. So from time to time, there just needs to be a little thinning of the herd. You’d think I would have learned my lesson on this one by now, because it has happened SO. MANY. TIMES. I spend half my day “looking” for something that I’m certain I threw away that morning.

7. When you are short on time, and think that it would be totally fine to bring your overly-cautious, cherubic toddler to your office with you, you will require the assistance of the fire department to remove the aforementioned toddler’s arm from office equipment.

I CAN’T EVEN. Let me just offer props to the Moore Fire Department for effectively removing my son’s arm from its location, without making me feel like the WORST PARENT EVER. They might have thought it, but at least they didn’t say it to my face.

Do you have any “Murphy’s Law” parenting moments to share?

, , ,

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply