After I get my kids to bed, I plop down on the couch with the laundry basket full of un-matched socks, a task that has waited a month for me to get to. It hit me in that moment, I’ll never get it all accomplished.
I am tired.
As I look around at the kitchen sink full of dishes from dinner, the laundry basket that filled back up the moment it was emptied and the floors that are littered with crumbs, I sigh. There aren’t enough hours in the day.
From the moment I got pregnant, my body was perpetually tired. My OB told me it was normal, that pregnancy would do that since I was growing a tiny human and that takes a lot of work! And when the baby came, I walked around in a perpetual state of mombie.
Then we hit the toddler years, and at that moment, I looked back on my pregnant self and realized that I didn’t even begin to know what tired was. Toddlers were constantly on the move and it was draining to pop up faster than I ever thought possible to catch that little one before he hurt himself one more time or she opened the bag in the pantry before I could stop her. Wrestling them for a nap would only result in waking 20 minutes later. Helping my little ones learn the do’s and don’ts of life was a full time job, not to mention the other things daily life demanded.
Once we got out of the toddler phase, I thought it would be less tiring. They could do things on their own! No more butts to wipe, or food to puree, chop and hand feed. But this brought a whole new phase of tired. The activities, the school assignments, the stream of neighborhood kids coming into our home, the worry of how they are handling that situation with a classmate on the playground.
We haven’t even hit the teen years yet.
Motherhood demands a lot of us. Most of the time, we are the keepers of our family’s schedule, we are the decision maker for dinner, we are the grocery shopper, the house cleaner, the laundry do-er, fold-er, and put away-er (well, sometimes.) We are constantly juggling a bazillion thoughts in our head and try to overcome that mom guilt always at the edge of our minds.
“I need to be home with my family! But I need a Moms Night Out! Oh, shoot, I forgot to respond back to Sarah about the PTO meeting. Ugh, my kid is eating another sugary snack.” The list goes on.
So, yes. I’ll be the first to admit it. Motherhood makes me tired. I absolutely love my role in life – nothing could ever replace being a mother. The first coos, smiles, milestones, hugs, kisses, the conversations before bedtime – it all is very much worth it. I know I’ll miss all the chaos when they are older and gone.