If Moms Wrote Honest Christmas Cards

It’s the time of year when holiday cards and the annual family letters start flooding my mailbox.  I love seeing the happy smiling faces on the cards and reading the cute letters about what my friends and family have been up to. Reading through the cards I’ve received this year got me thinking. How hilarious would it be if instead of displaying the highlight reel, moms wrote brutally honest Christmas cards about everyday life?

A brutally honest Christmas card might go a little something like this: 

Hello family and friends!

I can’t believe it’s Christmas time already! This has been such an excitingly average year for our family, and I know you’re on the edge of your seat waiting to hear about our life!

This year has flown by. Despite my New Years Resolution last January to get in shape, my pants are fitting a little tighter and my boobs are a little saggier. But I did do a solid month of hot yoga at the local gym with free childcare, so winning. Mike and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. We argue a little, but we love each other a lot.

Katie is our youngest, and she still wakes up approximately every 45 minutes at night to nurse even though she’s now 12-months-old. It’s okay. In fact, it’s really a blessing because it has given me the unique opportunity to binge watch every season of Friends on Netflix. I’ve used these precious moments of nightly “bonding time” to ponder whether Ross and Rachel were in fact on a break. (They were.) Our sweet littlest family member enjoys chewing up books, harassing the family cat, and snuggles.

Mikey is three and is a bundle of energy! He keeps me young at heart by having no fear and attempting countless dangerous stunts. He also is the reason why I am no longer allowed at the local Chick-Fil-A playground. Mikey starts Pre-K next year which will be an exciting transition for the elementary school’s Pre-K staff I’m sure. Mikey has finally mastered the art of potty training, and I’m rejoicing we only have one child in diapers now. Christmas dreams really do come true. 

Johnny is now 5-years-old and attends kindergarten. He adores his teacher. (Sometimes more than he adores me.) He has developed an insatiable Lego obsession, and we have Legos scattered in pretty much every corner of the house. He still hates showers and loves sports which is an unfortunate combo but we’ve learned to cope.

Suzie is eleven and spends her free time watching JoJo Siwa videos on Youtube. We’re hoping this phase fades quickly because I can only muster up one more side ponytail before I officially go insane. Suzie has made many friends and frenemies in the fifth grade this year. She begs us for a phone constantly because “EVERYONE” has one. My husband and I just laugh and laugh about this. It’s really such an exciting time to be a parent of a tween isn’t it!

Our family unfortunately didn’t take any fancy vacations this year because #StudentLoans. However, we did go to the zoo a lot. Oh and the park. Pretty much daily on the park situation. Our days around here have been packed to the brim with caffeine, laughter, and carpool lines.

Wishing you a very merry Christmas,

The Jones Family

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