The average age of a first time mother is 26. When I was 26, I had two children and a third on the way. I had kids young…but I don’t regret it.
About a year ago, I was sitting in a Bible class filled with late twenty-somethings like myself when I heard a lady say to her friend, “Oh we’re not having kids ANY time soon. We don’t want to ruin our lives!”
I was shocked by what I had just overheard. I glanced up at my husband who had also witnessed the conversation, and we gave each other a little smile and a knowing look. What the lady didn’t know, and what I’m sure she’ll understand someday, is that sure kids change lives but I can guarantee they won’t RUIN your life.
I can confidently state that kids aren’t life ruiners even though I am the same age as the lady in my class because I’m already seven years into this parenting gig. I was a young mom, and becoming a mother has, without a doubt, been one of the most joyous experiences of my life.
My husband and I had children younger than all of our friends. We were married at the ripe old ages of 21 and 20, and eleven months later we welcomed our first bundle of joy. (I know all of the old ladies in our family were calculating the months between our wedding date and my due date on that one.) Despite the fact that we had a baby soon after we were married, we were happy and carefree.
When we were just starting out we worked jobs that paid our bills, but we mainly lived on love and laughter just like every other young couple. We lived in a little apartment, and we had enough to squeeze by. My first child had all of the essentials, but she didn’t have the fanciest trillion dollar crib and she didn’t get pushed around in the Rolls-Royce of strollers.
Honestly, she didn’t seem to mind or notice her unfancy baby gear, and she was perfectly content to be pushed around the zoo in her horrifically ugly lime green pile of junk stroller. Now that my husband is established in his career and we aren’t skimping by, we still don’t buy the fanciest baby gadgets and gizmos because we learned from the beginning that babies don’t really need everything that is on those baby registries anyway. (Wipe warmers? Nope… my kids had cold butts.)
Did I miss out on an important time in my life by having children young? Some might say yes. However, I fully believe that starting my family young was the best thing that happened to me.
I don’t feel like I missed out on anything at all. My twenties weren’t spent “finding myself” like all of my college buddies. Instead I spent my twenties finding things like diaper sales and discovering the unspeakable joy of hearing my child call me “Mama” for the first time.
After my first child was born, I transformed from being a typical self centered college aged girl into a full blown responsible mother practically over night. And quite frankly, I like myself much better as mom.
People are always surprised when they discover how old I am. I frequently get asked, “WAIT. How old are you?!” Or I get asked the “clever” questions like “Sooooo… What year did you graduate college?” Or there’s always my favorite “You look too young to have kids.” Thanks? Is that a compliment or an insult? I’m not sure. I’m so used to these questions, I don’t mind or get offended. I’m not embarrassed we had kids young, that’s just how our lives worked out.
Because we started our family earlier than most, I am always the young friend. Always. I am the youngest mom at soccer practice, and the young mom on playdates. In our neighborhood my husband and I are a good 10-15 years younger than all of our neighbors. When we saw that the house next door to us was for sale, we hoped that a couple our age would buy it. Nope. Didn’t happen. We’re still the youngest.
Despite always being the young parents, there are some perks to starting a family young. I will only be 46 when my youngest child is 18. Which means that I foresee many cruises and vacations in my husband and I’s future. I am also somewhat up to date on current trends. I get Facebook, and I get Instagram. This year I learned the term “fleek” and I know how to use it in a sentence.
But the biggest bright side of having kids young is that I had the privilege of meeting our three precious kids early on in life. And I wouldn’t change that for all of the “finding myself” in the world.
I had my son young too, I was 20. I wouldn’t change anything either. I’ll be 38 when he graduates high school, and can start that world traveling I’ve been dreaming about. 🙂
I had my child at 20, from California as well and moved to Oklahoma for a fresh start. It’s amazing to see how your children change you. Unfortunately I was a single mom for a few years, and only had my mom for support. Now, well I’m a mother of two, with a husband and family. It’s amazing to look back and realize how much I’ve grown up. God lets us go through things to help us realize how much we really do need him. I agree with Sara, I started off young but it didn’t ruin my life. Only made me stronger.
I so know this feeling! Even in our church family we are at least ten years younger than all the other families with kids the same age as ours. We married when I was 20 and he 22, and two months after we got married, I got pregnant. Super surprise, I turned 21 while I was pregnant with our first. I’m now 24 and expecting our second having just graduated with my bachelors. It wasn’t our plan, but God knew what He was doing, because I was sick with my first, but with this one, I have hyperemesis gravidarum and debilitating back pain that means I can barely function even at 25 weeks. I can’t fathom being in my late 20s/early 30s starting a family while working. I’ll start working when our youngest is close to a year old. And my hubby will be almost retiring from the Air Force when our kids are graduating. It wasn’t a big lifestyle change for us because we were tame people to begin with. Kids are a challenge, yes, but life isn’t over.