I remember when we first met. I had just given birth to my daughter and my hormones were all out of whack. You certainly weren’t sympathetic upon arrival. Adjusting to life with a new baby and trying not to cry my eyes out every ten minutes of my day, and suddenly – there you were…just straight chillin on my chin pretending to be some silent warrior who had just staked his claim.
I admit that this was a lot for me to process. There were so many emotions at one time, but when it all boils down to it; I was just flat out horrified.
The day we met is a day I will never forget.
I was wiping some sort of baby bodily fluid off of my face when my fingers felt you. You startled me right away; I immediately got a knot in my stomach. I walked to the bathroom with urgency and fumbled around for the tweezers I hardly ever used; the emotions overtook what little bit of sanity I had left flowing in my veins as I burst into tears. The second I found my tweezers in what I had just realized was the most messy bathroom drawer I’d ever set eyes on, I spotted you. I cried out in disgust, and plucked you from my life. Or so I thought.
I went on about my day and tried to pretend you never existed. I tried to pretend this unwanted encounter never happened.
So, let’s fast forward a few days, shall we?
I’m was in the bathroom on a beautiful June morning. The baby was napping and I had a few minutes to shower and wash spit up out of my hair and poop off my hands. When to my dismay, what do I see in the mirror? I’m trembling with fear as I reach for the tweezers; my hands shake as I near you. I see your smug little self resting peacefully on my chin once again.
I will have none of it!
It’s like I fed you miracle grow… How did you get there so fast? Why did you return? In an instant, I pluck you and wash you away down the drain. I want you to know that you’ve corrupted my world. I can’t go on vacation without packing my tweezers, and if I forget the tweezers, you can expect full panic mode and a rushed trip to Target, looking no one in the eyes until my mission has been completed.
Annoying man-hair on my chin, I’ve come to the conclusion that you aren’t going anywhere. Luckily for me, there are now laser hair removal options. Until then, we will meet every other day, and I will pluck you from my life and you will continue to haunt me. Sigh…
See you tomorrow, man hair. Same place, same time…and I’m not looking forward to it.
The chin hair hater