Guide to Being Perfect: Mom Edition

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Has someone ever declared to you “Evvvveryone has TEN minutes!” in reference to what you should be doing weekly or even daily? Did you give them that blank stare of indifference while thinking *eye roll* “Yeah. Okay. Whatever. What’s ten more minutes when I’m so utterly exhausted I can’t even stay up to paint my pinky-toe?” Well, this one’s for you. 

What would your life look like if you heeded the advice of every single one of those voices? From Renee the 10K Runner to Suzie the Self-Care Sensei? Perhaps you might look like the woman in this picture, perpetually smiling and winning at life. If we could talk to her, perhaps her advice might go a little like this . . .

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Listen up, mom. No excuses. There is a lot to get through in this post, and I hope you’ll see that if you’re a strong woman that has her priorities straight, you can easily accomplish it all. Don’t tell me you’re too tired. You’re not. I see you wasting time on Facebook or Netflix, when you should be getting in 30 minutes of journaling, reading, or meditating on a religious text. If you have time to watch YouTube cat videos, you have time for those 50 squats.

Let’s get to it:

You wake up in the morning. Do not underestimate the power of prioritizing at 4:00 AM. FOUR AM? Yes, 4:00 AM! A mom should be awake before her family. (You know that baby is getting up at six sharp! Doesn’t matter they went to bed two hours late.) Don’t you realize you need at least 30 minutes of quiet time, followed by 15 minutes of self-care? (No these aren’t the same.) You need to make a few checklists (including a few items with things you’ve already accomplished for instant gratification), reflect on a Bible verse, and put dinner in the crockpot (Whole30 or Paleo ONLY). Also don’t forget that lemon water. And squats. And Kegels. Always Kegels. Kegel to bed. Kegel teeth-brushing. Kegel at the crockpot. You get it. Kegels.

Now, the kids wake up.

Because you’ve already had time for yourself, you are refreshed and ready to handle the morning. You’ve prepared breakfast for them and set the table with a fresh set of flowers from your garden. Their backpacks are lined against the wall with their homework neatly tucked inside. And you’ve already prepared a witty, satisfying remark to all possible “Why?” questions; although, you don’t need them because you’re patient, loving, and sensible. They don’t ask why questions, because you’ve already given them a scientific answer and there are no “whys” left to “why” about.

Let’s just skip the workday. You, being a savvy, practical woman, already know the routine here.

You’re CEO’ing the household with one arm, while working business magic with the other limb. Pay the bill, answer an email. Call the school, create a client demo. Set up that doctor’s appointment, mic drop in a meeting. You got this. Oh, and Kegels.

Now the real work begins, starting with your drive home.

On your way home, there’s no time for music. Extra self-care is reserved for those with more money and less kids. That ain’t you, hon. Instead, choose NPR or a podcast. Being a good citizen, you must absolutely keep up with current events. If you can’t name the third most mentioned politician in both parties and their favorite drink, consider yourself uninformed. Near the end of your drive, make sure to talk to your friend. You can’t let a friendship grow cold. What if they believe you don’t have time for them? Eesh.

You pick up the kids, you’re heading home, you ask them about their day, make Suzy stop picking her nose (she’s a lady), and have them sing “50 Nifty United States.” The rest of the evening, goes like this: DIY crafts, greeting the husband with a kiss, dinner at the dinner table, family dishwashing and chores (while singing Sound of Music), organizing a random closet, helping with homework, baths, teeth-brushing, matching family jammies, educational books, goodnight kisses, etc. Kids are in bed, and you begin work on your master’s degree and your second from-home job, and engage your spouse in a good chat and cuddle.

Finally, it’s midnight and time for bed.

Time for bed? Yes, ma’am! Early to bed and early to rise . . . you know the saying. Sleep eight hours, get back up at 4:00 AM and do it again.

See? There’s time for everything if you prioritize.

Mamas, see why we can’t listen to ALL the well-meant advice? Not one of us is perfect, but we are each meant to be mama to our kids…and that is perfection enough! 

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