Before I got married and had kids I thought I had my life figured out. School, work, and traveling were my top priorities. Honestly, I always thought that if I ever had kids it would be much later in life. Marriage wasn’t in my book; my parents didn’t have a good marriage so I didn’t think Iwould be so lucky either. When I first met my husband, I was attending nursing school in another country. My professional goals were so important back then, and I had a passion for Nursing. But when I met him, my plans changed. I’m glad they did, I didn’t know how monotonous my life was until then.
After deciding to move to Oklahoma permanently, I not only learned to adjust to a different culture, but I also learned to cope with the idea that my priorities had changed. Yes, I left my family behind, but I also had left my career behind.
Soon after we got married we decided to start a family. After the kids came, I assumed a different role that I had never dreamed off. Yes, I wanted to spend time with my kids but I never really thought that I would ever want to be a stay-home-mom. I doubted myself many times, wondering if that was the right decision for me.
During those first years of being a mother, I was struggling. I didn’t know what the issue was until one day I realized that I had lost myself. I knew I was a wife and a mother, but who was I as a person? Where had my professional goals and my dreams gone? Did I have any goals at all?
You see, I had gone from a full time student to a full time employee to a now stay-at-home mom. And those things weren’t quite as I planned them. I came to the conclusion that deep down I didn’t let go completely of my previous goals. My life had taken a different path, and that was okay. I just needed to adjust my old goals to my new current situation. Traveling around the world and, in my case, going back to work while caring for a newborn just wasn’t feasible.
I don’t regret any of my previous choices, actually, I wouldn’t change anything. My only regret is that I didn’t notice sooner that I was struggling to find myself in motherhood. I needed to find that person that I used to be with professional and personal goals aside from my children.
So now I’m doing something for the old me. I started taking more online classes, and once my kids are a little older I then will enroll on campus. (The Nursing degree that I worked so hard for doesn’t transfer here.) I also started finding more hobbies, and I try to read as much as I can. I have now found balance between the person I am right now and the person I used to be. I’m enjoying my present and being a stay-at-home mom because I feel lucky to have the choice. I also, want to be there for my children and they will always be my priority. Sure I still look back on my world where school and traveling filled my days, I cherish those times in my life. However, I no longer feel lost as a person. I’ve found myself again and it feels amazing.
Have you ever struggled finding yourself in motherhood?