It’s so cliche’. But friends, it’s true. You marry your opposite. And it’s not easy. In my case, Always Prompt (that’s me) married Chronically Late.
I remember as a little girl, sitting on the couch dres
sed and ready, waiting to go somewhere because it was too early to leave. I don’t just remember one instance – this was the norm. We were early or on time everywhere we went. We had prime seats because we were so early. We were the designated greeters, seat savers, and program passer outers because we could always be counted on to be on time. And I don’t want to miss anything either. If someone says to be there at 7pm, in my mind that is 6:50 because I need to be settled in before the fun starts promptly at 7. My world changed 18 years ago when I married Chronically Late. But my solution was an easy one. I’d just hurry him along. Because that is obviously one of the reasons why we were married – he needed my help. And I was happy to oblige.
My tactics were simple. Trick him (We are supposed to be there at 5 babe (not really, its 5:15), nag him (Come OOOONNNNNNN), shame him (Someone worked hard on dinner and that slaved over dinner will be cold if we are LATE!!!), and coach him (Babe, just get up earlier, just do that tomorrow, just leave it!) But here’s the funny thing about marriage. You might go into it thinking you can change your significant other, only to be rudely proven wrong. And then the ironic thing is usually you’re the one who does the changing.
What he doesn’t understand is that when I think I’m going to be late, my blood pressure rises, I can’t focus, and I have one and only one goal – to GET THERE. It seriously makes me crazy. I am told what I don’t understand is that he really does think he has time to do those 10 things in the 15 minutes we have before we leave. I’ve learned after 18 years to just relax, because the truth is, I can not for the life of me speed him up. If 4 of the 5 family members are sitting in the van in the driveway for 10 minutes, while we wait on #5, then it’s a win. If he eats his breakfast in the van on the way to church, that’s a win too. He tries, he really does. And I’ll just have to employ deep breathing techniques I learned in Lamaze to lower my rising blood pressure.
Because you gotta do what you gotta do when Chronically Late marries Always Prompt.
Yes! I’m the late one and my hubby is just like you. I actually feel like I understand him a little better now. For me, life is measured in chunks of tasks and in relationships, not in blocks of time. I don’t move on to the next thing until I’m done with the task or until I’ve satisfied the needs of a particular relationship or role. It has nothing to do with time. It’s like my brain doesn’t perceive time. Yet, I want to be on time. Society certainly demands it. But I think my way has value, too. In other cultures, it’s normal to just kind of show up on your own time. But since that’s not the norm in our culture, I shall continue to rely on my other half.
It takes all perspectives to make the world go round H!! And thank goodness we have an opposite other half!
Wow, this is my life! My blood pressure was rising just reading it! It took me awhile to learn that nagging him actually made him move slower so I’ve also had to use your deep breathing techniques to get through such situations and tell myself that life will go on even if I’m late. It’s good to know I’m not alone in the world!
Not alone at all Julie!