We’ve all had those days…
You know the ones. Those days where you look at the man you married and can only see all the things you think he’s doing wrong or wish he’d change. Those days where you feel like you’re taking motherhood to a whole new level by taking on fatherhood too… even though he’s in the same room. Those days you just wish he would look outside himself and see how much you need him to be present with you RIGHT. NOW.
Well, I’ve definitely had those days.
I’ve had those days a lot. As the wife of a fairly ambitious man, I’ve been known to inwardly (and sometimes outwardly) resent the amount of time he gives to other areas of his life. It’s not because I’m not proud of his accomplishments. And it’s not because I don’t want him to achieve everything his heart desires. Sometimes, I simply wish he’d invest more time in our children…more time in me…
But, that’s when I have to stop myself. And I have to breathe. And think.
I’ve had this conversation with him before. We were both very open and honest about our feelings, which helps remind me of this truth (*if you have not had that conversation and feel any of the ways I wrote about above, I highly encourage you to take the leap and start that talk*):
His own way is different than mine. He has his own way of loving of our children and they adore him for it; it’s what makes him “Daddy”. He has a special way of wrapping our daughter up into his arms that makes her completely melt into him. She feels so secure and safe in her Daddy’s arms in a special way that only he can provide.
He has his own way of loving me, and I really wouldn’t change it. He infuses wisdom into my most chaotic moments and shines light on different perspectives as we navigate life together. He is a completely different being than me, which is why I love him. I’ve always loved that we are a “yin and yang” couple.
It’s why I choose to love him and his ways.
That being said, I still tell him how I feel even when it’s tough and he’s heard it a billion times. He married a woman who has a big voice and needs to talk about any strong emotion or hard situation going on in her life. And, I expect him to give careful consideration to what I’ve told him so he knows what I need from him as his wife and life partner.
Maybe what I need from him is time alone, away from the calls of motherhood, just for an hour; maybe what I need is for him to dial into me and listen to my heart while I share my hills and valleys of everyday life. But in return, I have to carefully consider and remind myself that he is investing in us and not neglecting us, in his own way, and I choose to love him in all the ways that he is different than me.
Does your husband or significant other have “his own way” that you choose to love although it’s different from your own? What tips do you have for spouses who struggle with choosing to love the differences in their partner?