Bachelor’s in Wife-ing/Mom-ing: The Degree Track I SHOULD Have Taken

degree

Time to get real honest folks.  I am a 30 year old stay-at-home mom of 2 hoodlums.  I felt like I was an asset in the workforce while I was there, I worked hard and could catch on to things very quickly.  But now we are going on 5 years since my last full time job and no one even cares what I did pre-kids.  I’m pretty sure most of my mom friends don’t even know what I got a degree in (BUSINESS you uncaring friends of mine!  Talk investments to me, Mark Cuban *swoon*) and I couldn’t even tell you the last time I used any smidgen of my higher education.  I don’t think my parents, or anyone that knew me my entire life, were surprised when I got married during college.  I’ve always loved school and learning, but I’ve always loved love, too.

I don’t want to say that my college degree has been a waste because maybe someday I will dust it off and use it, but I got to thinking what the degree track for wife-ing/mom-ing would look like, and what classes would have adequately prepared me for the actual course my life has taken.  I think it would have looked something like this:

A Bachelor’s Degree in Wife-ing and Mom-ing:

  • Freshman year, Focus: Marriage
    • Fall Semester
      • Intro to Marriage: Becoming a responsible adult while living in a fog of infatuation
      • Co-habitating with an Adult Male: (*Will also accept the course Co-habitating with a really cute zoo animal)
      • Becoming a Rockstar Wife: How to be everything you’ve seen on movies and such while maintaining a positive attitude
      • Putting Out When You’re Not 100% Into It: Tools and tricks
    • Spring Semester
      • Intro to Finding Couple Friends: How to choose friends with non-annoying spouses
      • Buying a House: How to gather up 2,934 random documents and sign your name 53 times in one sitting
      • Intro to Home Decor With a Spouse: Tips for hiding his weird stuff and basically doing whatever you want and getting away with it
      • Holidays With In-laws: Setting yourself up for success in the most awkward of circumstances
  • Sophomore year, Focus: Pregnancy
    • Fall Semester
      • Positive Test: What to do next after the swearing and initial shock
      • Fundamentals of Surviving With an Incredibly Heightened Gag Reflex
      • Pregnancy Nutrition: The food pyramid your baby wants you to follow
      • Putting Out During the One Hour Window You Aren’t Sick or Sleepy
    • Spring Semester
      • Basic Pressures of Being in Charge of a Small Human: The decisions you make even before birth
      • Anatomy and Evolution of Your Girl Bits: An in-depth journey of before pregnancy, during pregnancy, and after birth (*explicit)
      • Cataloging Unsolicited Mom Advice
      • Birth: the Truths, the Lies, the Untold
  • Junior year, Focus:  Motherhood Year One
    • Fall Semester
      • Breastfeeding: Nourishing Your Child While Delirious (*course only offered at 3am, please note: if you miss even one class your baby starves and you fail.)
      • Blowout Prep: How to assess, approach, and implement a plan of action
      • 6 weeks Postpartum: A Reluctant Return to the Game
      • Losing Yourself in Motherhood: A course in cold food, loss of hobbies, and friends who no longer call
    • Spring Semester
      • Mommy Fitness: Letting go of your old abs, embracing your new bladder
      • Pros and Cons of Online Forums: Lessons in mommy groups
      • Intro to Finding “Family” Friends:  How to choose friends with non-annoying spouses, similar parenting styles, and decently mannered children
      • Grieving Freedom: A course in letting go of leisure time, vacationing, and sleeping in
  • Senior year, Focus:  Toddlers
    • Fall Semester
      • Public Tantrums: Strategies to survive and not be blacklisted from retail locations
      • Advanced Home Decor: Interior design with an emphasis on incorporating large plastic toys accents
      • Worst Case Scenario: A study of all possible dangers you could have never imagined but your toddler may encounter
      • Psychology of the Mom Brain: Why we desire to have more children despite exhaustion, annoyance, and a lack of resources
    • Spring Semester
      • Surviving Potty Training: Lessons in patience and self-control pertaining to alcohol prior to 5pm
      • Abusive/Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics: Loving someone who bites you repeatedly but kisses it better
      • Toddler Related Arithmetic: Discover how a toddler can gain weight while only consuming 1 scrambled egg, 5 grapes, and 3 dum dums per day
      • Oops We Did It Again: Mentally preparing for a sibling

GRADUATION!!!

I don’t know that anything could have fully prepared me for what my life has become.  However, I do think that many of these “classes” would have given me a preview into what to expect.  If you are a fellow sufferer of the “Sallie Mae Regrets” from time to time, feel free to add some classes that you would have appreciated in this stage of life.  I look forward to seeing what y’all come up with!

 

A Degree in Marriage & Motherhood

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Anna Rhodes
Anna is an Oklahoma transplant originally from Washington state. While here for college she fell in love with OKC as well as her husband Mike. They have been married for 6 years and have 2 hilarious children- Bauer (4) and Davee (18 months). Anna enjoys hairstyling, working out, indoor soccer, Netflix marathons, and eating terrible things while her kids are asleep. Anna adores several parts of the metro but especially The Village, where she calls home, and the Mid-town area.

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