An Open Apology to My Husband

husband

Hey Honey,

As we sail in to this next year of marriage, I feel the need to express a few things. Things we talk about, but being the occasionally often crazy, hormonal woman that I am – things that I don’t always communicate best, on the days that you might need to hear them most.

Please know, that I see you.

When you walk in the door after a hard day of physical labor, and immediately hear my exasperated cry and bear witness to the latest tantrum from our toddler who refuses to get off of the fire place (or stop throwing ALL THE THINGS at my head), I see you. I see you save me from crossing the line of “losing my mommy cool”, and suggest I go chill out because you’ve got it handled. Thank you for having my back, and for being the epitome of the perfect daddy.

After working all week at your trade job, coming home each night to your “life job”, continuously helping extended family and friends with requests on the weekends–you still get up every Sunday morning to teach Sunday School and lead worship to our congregation. I see you. Thank you for being a shining light on those mornings when I myself almost don’t make to that front pew (mostly due to above mentioned toddler shenanigans).  I see you up there, and nothing makes me prouder than everyone knowing that I am your wife.

When I continuously gripe about housework I need to be doing, but just can’t seem to bring myself to accomplish after a full day of work, mom-ing, schooling and adult-ing in general–I see you pushing that vacuum and loading that dishwasher. I’m sorry that sometimes I reload it to my Type A liking, but I rarely ever have to turn plates “the right way” anymore. That’s how much you rock that dishwasher. Thank you for always being willing to help, and being an example to our sons of how a “real man” doesn’t have a definition of actions–he simply leads by example.

Any time I just can’t seem to “let it go”, I see you holding your tongue. Thank you for being my best friend, confidante, prince of patience and, well, just keeping your mouth shut at all of the right times. I wish every day that I could be as good at it as you are, but until that day–I’ll keep seeing you.

When I am having an “off day”, or a day fully lost in my own head and to-do list of things I am sure need to be resolved RIGHT THIS SECOND, I see you letting me have my space. I’m sorry I’m short tempered and less affectionate at those times–thank you for understanding, and keeping the rest of the household intact while I read, write, scrub, shop, cook or whatever else I’ve deemed “so important” at the moment.

So you see, I DO pay attention. I know your value. I might not acknowledge you at all of the right times, or always say the best things in the perfect moment, but know that I SEE YOU. You are loved, you are appreciated and you are THE man of our home and our hearts.

You are a true hero to us on the daily, in even the simplest of ways (like the sink you fixed last week) and although you say, “keep me out of your blogging, woman!!” I hope that you know by now, after 20 years of marriage (just kidding, but it sometimes FEELS that long, right??) my written expression, is my purest form of truth.

Mrs. Pitt says it best, when I fail:

Sometimes I think my husband is so amazing that I don’t know why he’s with me. I don’t know whether I’m good enough. But if I make him happy, then I’m everything I want to be.                                                                                             –Angelina Jolie

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2 Responses to An Open Apology to My Husband

  1. NW April 21, 2016 at 4:53 pm #

    Please do not demean yourself as a “crazy hormonal woman”. You are a woman who has something to say. I think it’s sad that we as women are still conditioned to believe that we’re “crazy” and “hormonal” and therefore less valuable. It needs to stop.

    • Loralei Gann
      Loralei Gann April 22, 2016 at 9:32 am #

      Hi Nadine!

      Well, I have been either pregnant or postpartum throughout our entire marriage (our first son was born 9 months to the date of our wedding LOL!) and VERY hormonal and feel VERY crazy. Sometimes I act it as well. I’m so glad I have an amazing husband who does not demean me and has the same response as you did, thank you for your confidence! I know that my “normal” self is not quite so reactive, so I would not refer to that version of myself in the same adjectives. As for now, in my 3rd trimester, I’m definitely a little of both!!

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