The Day My Daughter Cussed

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I am far from the perfect parent. I make mistakes daily, but despite my occasional parenting failures I do try really hard to be the best that I can be.  Like every other mom on this planet, I really try hard, y’all.  I try to be patient, I try and read the recommended amount to my kids every night,  and I do my best to not lose my cool over things like spilled chocolate milk on the sofa.   I attempt to teach my kids right from wrong, I read them lessons on building character, and we take them to church every Sunday morning.

But despite my best parenting efforts, my daughter still said the h-word.

About 6 months ago we lived in quiet little gated community just south of the metro.  The kids were plentiful in that little suburban paradise and during the summer months the kids spent hours playing outside.  On one of these typical afternoons, the neighborhood kids were playing together running up and down the front lawns between all of our houses.  My husband and I were sitting in our lawn chairs soaking in the sun like good little suburbanites when I watched my then 6-year-old daughter bend down and pick up a strange rock.

She examined the rock a little closer, got a weird look on her face, and then I heard her yell, “WHAT THE H#@$?!”

Everything went quiet.  All the playing came to a screeching halt.  I think the birds even quit chirping.

And in that very moment I wanted to drop dead or at the very least disappear into my house and become a hermit.  I was mortified.

I sat there frozen in my lawn chair, but eventually I came to my senses and I then knew what I had to do.  After I had a talk with my daughter, I made the mommy walk of shame up to my neighbor’s house, knocked on their door, and I told them what my daughter had said in front of his two little girls. I apologized over and over about a million times.

Much to my relief,  I was met with grace.  He told me that they had heard the H-Bomb dropped and were laughing so hard that they had to go in the house.  He told me it was no biggie, he understood those things happen.

I was so relieved to not be met with judgment. My neighbor got it.  He understood that the surprising and completely out of character expletive from my daughter didn’t reflect on myself as a parent or on her as a child.  He knew my daughter wasn’t a “rebellious” kid.  He understood that even the best kids may, on rare occasions,  still accidentally  say the h-word.  Sometimes children do things even when they know it’s not right because, well, they are kids.

I know in the grand scheme of things saying that 4 letter word was not a huge life altering mistake (obviously), but I learned a very important lesson that day.  I learned that kids will make mistakes and push the limits despite our best attempts to be perfect parents.  This doesn’t mean that I will stop teaching my kids, of course I will keep molding and shaping their character.

However, that experience made me wonder. How many times have I witnessed a child slip up and been too quick to conclude that the child’s behavior was a direct reflection of their upbringing?  That thought stung me to my core.  I hate mommy wars and mom judgment, but how many times have I been too quick to pass judgment onto undeserving and well meaning parents?

Ouch.

Sometimes kids are raised in the best neighborhoods, and go to great schools, and have parents who have the best intentions,  but kids will still make mistakes.   Kids are constantly learning, and they learn sometimes through trial and error.  Kids will say naughty words (which I don’t condone by the way), they will get an occasional bad grade, and they may even throw an all out temper tantrum over a stick of gum in the Target checkout line.  Of course those little outbursts do not mean that the children are “rebellious”  and it definitely does not mean that they are “bad” kids.    And likewise, an embarrassing child slip up does NOT make you a bad parent.  It simply means that the learning process continues.

I know I will experience many more embarrassing child moments through the years of child raising and I will learn invaluable lessons through these humbling situations. I hope these situations will enlighten me as a human being and bring me more compassion toward others. I also hope, my fellow mamas, that if you happen to see me shopping with my kiddos and one of them has a complete meltdown in the checkout aisle or says something shockingly inappropriate, that you will look at me with understanding compassion and try not to harshly judge. After all, we’re all in this parenting boat together. Let’s choose to not throw each other overboard. Let’s, instead, throw a lifeline of support and swim through this ocean together!

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Britnie Sims
I grew up in sunny California and moved to Oklahoma to attend college. That is where I met my amazing husband, and now we are here to stay! I live in Blanchard with my husband and three kiddos. We also have two standard poodles who we all adore and consider a part of our family! My family likes to stay busy, and we are always on the go exploring Norman and OKC. I love to write, and I document my adventures on this crazy journey of motherhood on my personal blog!

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