Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear.
That’s how long my baby has been outside of my womb. No I didn’t do the math. Rent did it for me. But I’ve been singing it the past few days leading up to her first birthday. How is it that one year can seem so short and long at the same time?! Babies. They are magical time warpers for sure. Where did this year go? I feel like just yesterday I was having a minor panic attack at the hospital awaiting my c-section. I was shaking on that hospital table as they lay her vernix covered 8 pound 20 inch tiny body on my chest and I cried tears of joy and sang “You are my sunshine.”
She’s at her 12 month well baby check and I sang her that same song again. This time because she was getting her finger pricked and I was trying to calm her down. Her body has tripled in weight though and the 10 inches she’s grown in a year were harder to snuggle to my chest as she wriggled in frustration, but she still calmed at my voice singing.
It was just yesterday that my oldest daughter peered into the hospital room to catch a glimpse of her sister for the very first time right? We helped her hold her on her lap so she didn’t drop her. She peeked at her tiny toes and fingers and kissed her forehead and told her “I love you just as “much as anyone.”
Big sister still totes baby sis around on her hip like a little mama despite the fact that baby sis weighs over half what she does! They still adore each other and squeal at glimpses of each other first thing in the morning and after school in the car.
I feel like it was only moments ago that she was wriggling down my body in a recovery room while I was still in a drowsy state and yet she managed to latch on to nurse for the first time all on her own. Those moments of nursing her all day in my recliner, smelling her newborn little head, and barely getting up just happened right?
Nursing is still going strong, but acrobatics are sometimes involved and the occasional “drive by nursing” occurs when she bumps her head, needs some comfort, then keeps right on playing. Not only can she latch on easily by herself she can sign for “milk” and lift my shirt if I’m taking too long!
Those crazy alien like acrobatics were taking place in my womb just 365 days ago. Tiny legs were jabbing at my ribs and bladder. I felt them at all hours of the day and night. I filmed them with my camera. I told myself I wouldn’t take this feeling for granted and I wouldn’t forget it.
Those legs are crawling around the house, cruising the furniture, learning to climb stairs and I’ve forgotten the feeling of them inside me. I tried to hold on to it. But I couldn’t.
How did I measure this year? In diapers, in spit up, in late night nursing sessions? In teething, in bathing, in sleepy cuddles in bed? Like the song from Rent suggests….How about love, seasons of love? There was definitely plenty to go around.
I’d like to think we measured it in love and that’s why the time can seem so short. This sweet baby of mine changed my world for good (Wicked reference? Man I’m feeling all the Broadway shows in this post!) and while the growing up can be bittersweet, I’m so thankful to be her mama and to witness each milestone. I may forget those pregnancy flutters, I may forget her stats, I may forget her first words, but I will cherish the moments as they come…and try not to blink too fast!
(To finish out all Broadway references you can now listen to Slipping Through My Fingers from Mamma Mia and tear up as you think about your own babies.)