Transitioning to “Kid Mom” Status

kid-momThe evolution of motherhood never ceases to confuse me.  Just when I think I have one season understood, I have silently slipped into another, without even knowing.  I wish motherhood came with a manual to help me navigate the new terrain of each phase.  In this case, I assume ignorance is bliss.

I am a “Kid Mom”, now what?

My oldest son is 8 1/2 (That 1/2 is really important around here!).  He is reading chapter books, wanting to have friends come and “hang out”, and has began asking deep questions that I am not ready to answer.  The boy just started brushing his teeth and combing his hair in the morning, without my prodding!  All of the sudden, I find myself having conversations with him ranging anywhere between the existence of black holes to the ins and outs of sexuality.  THINGS ARE MOVING TOO FAST PEOPLE!!  Mommy needs a pause button!  Can we go back to discussing Spiderman vs Batman, or why Lego men don’t have noses?

This season is pushing my limits.  It’s requiring me go places that I am not comfortable going with him, and his inquisitiveness is only getting stronger.  At the same time – if he is ready – as his parents we have to be willing to lean in deep.  My apprehension is my problem, not his.  If I am not willing, he will rely on other sources for his information to ease his curiosity. (It is important to note that my husband and I divvy these tough topics up, accordingly.) Though I don’t like it, I also know that this is part of the responsibility that comes with parenting.  I must be willing to walk hand in hand with him as he navigates this new terrain of life, one full of unanswered questions and curious thoughts.

Watching them change socially.

My son came to me a few weeks ago, really wanting to schedule some time with his friends outside of school.  I immediately thought, “If you were younger, I would just call up MY friends and schedule a play date”.  But, now, my friends, are not in the equation.  He wants to hang out with HIS friends from HIS class.  So, I stepped out of my comfort zone and emailed a group of moms I did not know, and scheduled a boys laser tag night.  Talk about feeling vulnerable!

The boys met up at a local arcade, and holding tight to their ten dollar bills, I took them through the line to pay for their pass for laser tag.  I shuffled them through the arcade to the laser tag area, and let the play game after game of laser tag.  They were dripping with sweat more and more with each round.  They anxiously watched the score board, and with overly animated faces, they exchanged tales of their battles.  Upon entering the “chamber” before every game they pumped each other up with high fives and fist bumps.

I sat back on the bench, and covertly watched, soaking the moment in deep.  My heart swelled as I saw each of the boys so engaged and filled from the night.  Camouflaged into the back ground, I realized I was watching these boys take flight into a new season, one that will make up some of the best memories of their lives.

Embracing the new season of motherhood.

During this new season of motherhood, that I like to refer to as the “kid-mom” season, I spend my Friday nights a bit differently.  I may not be wiping bottoms that aren’t mine, or listening to babies cry for hours on end, but I am still Mom-ing pretty hard.  Instead, I am parked on a bench in an arcade, drumming my foot to horrendously loud music, guarding my eyes from blinking neon lights and spending a mini-fortune on disgusting pizza that is wolfed down in minutes.

Showing up for motherhood looks different these days.  It takes a bit more transparency that I am comfortable with, and it requires me to break out of my comfort zone more than I want.  It’s pushing me to be a better mom, and a better me, and I am okay with that.  The pay off is that every now and then, I get a glimpse of this little person I am raising, and I see someone I am really proud of, and who I can’t wait to meet.

If you are a kid-momming now, what have you found to be the most difficult about the transition?

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Heather Duncan
Heather Duncan is a wife, mother, elementary reading teacher and wanna-be writer who resides in Oklahoma City, with her husband Denver. They live with their three kids, six chickens and cat Nicholas on a mini-urban-farm in the heart of Oklahoma City. As recent graduate student, she is currently pursing her masters to be a child and family therapist, working with families of children with a diagnosis or disability. She's a crunchy momma, but also enjoys letting her kids consume copious amounts of Nutella and 7/11 Icees. You can find out more about Heather at her blog www.heatherduncanwrites.com, where she blogs about family, faith and finding humor in the everyday.

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