I’m A Slacker School Mom

school

My children are school fanatics. Last year was their first year to attend public school, and they LOVED every single minute.  Now that the new school year is here my two littles are proudly walking down the packed halls with their fresh pencils and shiny new outfits.

While my children are eagerly excelling and growing, I am still barely managing to get my act together.

Sure I’m the kind of mom who will help with homework, I’ll totally be there for the field tips, and I’ll volunteer in my kid’s classroom. Heck, I’ll even happily track down every single item on that darn school supply list no matter how long or pricey it gets. However, it is no secret that I sometimes fall into the category of “slacker school mom”.

I try y’all.  I really try.  But sometimes I’m hanging on by a thread.

And there are 6 reasons why:

1. My car is always messy.

Every time my kids start to open their door when I drop them off, I keep it classy and shout, “DON’T KNOCK THE TRASH OUT!” When my kids strategically maneuver out of our trash-mobile every day, I say a sweet prayer and hope that the happy meal bags, apple cores, and other random assortment of crap mixed with single shoes don’t fall out onto the ground.

2. I’m “that” mom at drop off. 

My kids look well-manicured and clean like little Baby Gap models every morning. I, on the other hand, look like I came straight off of the people of Walmart website. And I smell like I got ready at a truck stop.

3. I’ll never be an hour early to pick up my children. 

On enrollment day, our school’s office lady told me that the school day ends at 3:15, however some moms start lining up at 2:15 for pick-up. What the what? I’ll pass.  I have a toddler who has a car-seat aversion.  So as much as I love hearing screaming and having trash (See Number 1) pelted at my head as I wait in the car, I try and get from point A to point B as quickly as possible.  Therefore, I pull into the back of the pickup line a couple of minutes before school gets out Every. Single. Day. When I look in my rear view mirror and I see my girlfriend’s jeep in line behind me – I give her a wave and a head nod. Solidarity, on time pick-up sister.

4. My kids don’t have crafty lunches. 

I know some kids come to school with their sandwiches whittled into shapes of impressive flowers or butterflies. Their carrots are cut into roses, and their strawberries are pressed into hearts. They have lovely notes written on stationary for crying out loud. Not my kids. If I’m feeling really fancy while throwing together my kids’ lunches before we run out the door, I’ll cut the crust off of their sandwiches. Then I pat myself on the back for a lunch well done.

5. I can’t keep up with all of the days.

Is ice-cream day Tuesday or Friday? Did I pay for the field trip already? My kid needed to wear a red shirt yesterday? Who knows. I keep extra cash in my daughter’s “money” compartment in her take-home folder, just because my brain is at maximum capacity and I can’t keep all of that stuff straight.

6. No matter how much I try and reign their crazy in, my kids will never act like perfect little angels all the time.

Of course I know that my kids are great and amazing, and most of the time they listen well and act nicely. But I also know they have their moments of pure hoodlum.  Because of that, I will not, I repeat, WILL NOT argue with their teacher in disbelief about their behavior. I live with my kids. I fully understand the kind of shenanigans they are capable of, and I know good and well the types of antics they pull. When my son was sent to the principal’s office only three days into their school year last year for acting a FOOL during nap time, I knew he was guilty as charged. There was no arguing with the teacher in disbelief about things like that in this household.

 

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