Recently, we had a guest post from Annette regarding her reaction to being diagnosed with breast cancer. This post is by her daughter and how she is coping with her mom having cancer.
It’s one of those days you can’t forget. The day you find out there’s a possibility your mom could be sick, the day you find out the possibility of losing your best friend is more real than you imagined. I remember getting the call from my mom while I was laying in bed. She told me that there was a shadow on her mammogram and she would have to go in to make sure everything was okay and she was sure it was fine. But there was a slim chance it could be cancer. I felt a sinking feeling as I began to run every possible scenario through my head. What if my mom has cancer, what if she gets really sick, what if she dies? I honestly could not imagine life without her, but like any mom would do, she told me not to worry. And I did my best to try to believe her.
I didn’t really understand everything that was happening; all I knew was that I was scared and there was nothing I could do to help her. So for what felt like an eternity – I waited. I waited for the lumpectomy surgery day to get here, then I waited for the results. And then the day came. I didn’t really know what to feel. I was anxious to hear the results and worried they were not going to be good but also hopeful that maybe everything was all clear.
I went to school that morning trying to push my worries to the back of my mind and just focus on the day. I had made it to third hour, my math class. In the middle of class, the intercom buzzed and I was called to the office to be checked out. That’s when I knew. I felt an instant rush of tears and I was crying before I had even made it to the office where I saw my dad. He didn’t say anything and he didn’t have to. The look on his face and tears in his eyes said it all.
It’s a weird thing when the person you love most is sick. You feel helpless and completely unable to fix the problem. All you want is to fix the issue and all you can do is pray and be there for them. And for me, that didn’t feel like enough. The next couple weeks I spent my time sad and upset that I could not make my mom’s situation any better. Then I let go and just began to pray. I realized I was unable to heal her, unable to fix this problem and unable to make everything better. But I do serve a God who is able to do all three. As I began to pray for my mom and ask God why he had given this to her, He answered me. Not in the way I wanted him to but in the way I needed him to. He didn’t tell me why this happened, he showed me why it was going to be okay and how we would make it through this journey. All I needed to do was trust in His ability and not my own.
As I began to believe in God, my worries and fears began to fade. As my family continues to walk this journey and my mom truly begins to fight this battle, I have a peace and understanding that no matter what comes our way, no matter what bad news we hear, our God is with us and our God is able. And that is all we need.
Kristin White was born and raised in Edmond, OK. She is a junior in high school at Oklahoma Christian School. She is a part of the American Heart Association Sweetheart program, serves on the teen board for Infant Crisis Services, is on the varsity cheer squad and varsity soccer team for the OCS Saints. Her favorite experience was traveling to Nicaragua on a mission trip with students from her high school. She has a quirky combination of food and drink that she loves and swears by, flaming hot Cheetos and milk! Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Just like her mom, she is a cheering and loyal OU fan, and she has an incredible sense of humor.