I’m sitting at a cross-roads guys, and I’m feeling a little stuck. Here we are – the all-American standard family of four. Things are evenly balanced, boys and girls, one-to-one parent/child ratio, fitting nicely in a 3-bedroom house (although the single bathroom is a bit crammed).
Logic tells us that our family should be complete, but my heart is telling me that there is someone missing. Even when my daughter is acting like a complete terror and I’m about to curl up in a ball and cry from defeat, I still can’t help but shake the thought. It isn’t baby fever. It’s different. It’s my heart telling me that our family is without a certain member, a really special, awesome one. Hang on—HAVE I LOST MY MIND??
What does a good day look like in your household? Mine would be two compliant and helpful children, a completed to-do list, a picked-up house, a great home-cooked meal, and some quality time with the kiddos and hubby before bed. At this point, I would be thrilled with my day, but still on the verge of exhaustion.
What in the world would I have left to offer a third child?? I am tapped out on a GOOD day. Should we even talk about the rough days? Fits, fighting, crying, whining, stomach bugs, picky eaters, arguing, grocery store shenanigans, cleaning, organizing, LAUNDRY!! Do I have enough patience for numero tres? Do we have enough money? Is there enough wine in all the land for the rough days with three? Someone please tell me!
You know, the obstacles increase in society with a family of 5 (or larger). America loves families of 4. You can easily get a table at a restaurant for 4, family passes are usually for 4 members, take-out is easily shared with a foursome, houses are most often found with 3 bedrooms, and your SUV says it seats five but that’s a joke because you could only fit Gumby between the 2 car seats in the back.
And let’s face it, larger families, your babysitter list gets cut in half after you pass the two-child mark. Not to mention those sweet “I can watch your kids for free once in a while!” offers… Yup, go ahead and kiss those goodbye. The struggle, oh it is REAL.
So here we are. With all these cons, who would want to even explore the option of more? Still me: the crazy lady with no regard for her sanity or the obstacles ahead. It’s scary to think about going back to having an infant again, because I’ll be honest, those things are NEEDY. It’s scary to think about possibly having another daughter, because I already fear the one I have (yes, I said fear). It’s scary to think about how hard/expensive it will be to go visit my family 1300 miles away. But it scares me more to let go of this deep yearning in my heart to meet our next child. It scares me more to wonder for the rest of my life if we should have tried one more time.
Family of four. Family of five. Family of five plus future foster children? Who knows what the future holds for us?! All I know now is that I am blessed with a hilarious, spicy family that is willing to make a little more room on the couch and pop up the third row of the minivan, if needed. Am I crazy for wanting a third? Probably so.
But being sane never fit me well anyway.